No one tells you how hard it can be to make friends as a grown-up. When we were kids, it was as simple as liking the same cartoons or having the same bike. As adults, it’s more complicated—but no less important.

I believe we were designed to be in community with other people, which makes it all the more challenging when we find ourselves in a situation where we don’t have friends around us. It can happen for so many reasons—being an awkward teenager (or an awkward adult…looking at me here), moving, divorce, or even starting a new job. It can feel so isolating!

I've found that the only way to get to the other side is to wade through the discomfort of meeting new people. I kind of hate that part, honestly, but what works best for me is to make sure I am physically present with other people—even if I don't know them well (yet). 

When we first moved to Houston nearly nine years ago, I knew almost no one. I was in my late 30s with a small kid, a new job, and no village. My husband and I realized that our son needed to make friends, so we put him in a local preschool and then we discovered that we really liked the church associated with the school, so we started going there.

However, going to a new church does not magically help you make friends, as much as we wish it would. It’s up to us to engage and make connections. (I know, that's probably not the answer you were hoping for, I'm sorry!) 

Right around the time we started attending, a new small group formed, made up mostly of parents with young kids. Let me tell you—it was awkward at first.

We’d get together every Sunday night, alternating weekly between a social gathering at someone’s home and Bible study at the church. The first time we hosted the group at our house, my son was playing with another kid and (VERY ACCIDENTALLY) kicked the kid’s tooth out. To be fair, it was loose, but still… pandemonium ensued. I was so embarrassed!

We kept going, and eventually, that group of families became "our people." We found ourselves with trusted friends who help each other in emergencies and get together for fun adventures. Some of us now go to other churches and a few have moved away, but we have maintained close relationships with several of those families. 

Looking back, this experience is a good reminder to me that building meaningful relationships often starts with showing up, even when it feels awkward.

I’m shy so I really have to push myself in group settings to put my phone away and intentionally engage with someone new.

Don’t get me wrong, I love people, but I’m incredibly anxious about saying the wrong thing, so I’d rather melt into the furniture than open my mouth and embarrass myself. I know that might sound weird coming from someone who is a radio DJ, but we are complicated beings, aren't we!? 

I guess what I’m trying to say here is that I’m no expert at friendship, but I have a couple of ideas that might help if you find yourself in a place where you’d like to widen your circle a bit:

1. Be physically present with people. Pick something and stick with it for a bit. Not every class or group will end up being your “thing,” but at least give it a fair shake. Push through the weirdness of being the new person in the room.
2. Try something new. I took a knitting class to meet people once and I made a scarf but zero friends; that turned out not to be my place. However, my family started taking taekwondo classes a couple of years ago, and I’ve made a bunch of good friends there. I’m zero percent athletic (in high school, a kid with a BROKEN FOOT beat me on the mile run). Never in a million years did I think I would meet people in a martial arts class!
3. Don’t limit yourself to only being friends with people who are your exact age and stage of life. We all have so much to learn from each other!
4. Pray and ask God for wisdom. It’s hard to know where to spend your energy and who to pour into, but keep trying and let God lead you.

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It can also help to remember that it's not just about what those friendships bring to you, but what you bring the the table too. It's a great opportunity to show up for people and shine the love of Jesus into their lives.

Friendship may require stepping out of what is familiar, but it’s worth every awkward moment. After all, God designed us for connection—and the blessings that come from community can be a reminder of His faithfulness.

So, take the first step—go to the gathering, join the class, say hello to that neighbor. You might be surprised at how God works through your courage to build something truly meaningful!

How do we heal when a friendship comes to an end?